YOGA PANTS AND MONTANA
Yoga pants, some declare, are offensive, disgusting,
Inviting crude glances and leering and lusting.
Montana would deem it a gross moral failure
To hint at a nipple or, worse, genitalia.
Most of my blog topics are on national or international themes. But my previous blog about religion and gay rights in Indiana demonstrated that the states can be rich laboratories of material for satirists. And this is true even when the issue does not hit the national headlines.
For example, my correspondent in Montana informs me that a state lawmaker has proposed a bill that would make it illegal to wear yoga pants in public. The bill would extend the existing indecent exposure laws to ban any exposure of nipples, male as well as female, along with any piece of clothing that “gives the appearance or simulates” the pelvic area, buttocks, genitals, or female nipple. Montana, said the Representative, should be “a decent state where people can live within the security of laws and protect their children and associates from degrading and indecent practices.”
My correspondent notes that Montana is, in general, remarkably supportive of individual rights and freedoms. There’s gun ownership, for example; the average Montana household has 27 guns (more even than Texas, I would guess). Yet, he asks incredulously, why are they afraid of yoga pants?
You don’t like regulations or unnecessary laws.
You have guns galore to help you in protecting freedom’s cause.
Yet you want a bill to save you from the very slightest chance
You might get a glimpse of someone who is wearing yoga pants.