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CASTING OUT CANTOR
CASTING OUT CANTOR
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CASTING OUT CANTOR 

They were shocked by the blow that befell Eric Cantor
Replaced by a no-one, a novice supplanter.
The Establishment’s hurt, they’re deeply offended,
That pesky Tea Party seems not to be ended.

            Incredible! The House of Representative’s Majority Leader, Eric Cantor, was abruptly removed from the

Congress in a Republican primary by an obscure economics professor, David Brat, despite the confident, unanimous

assurances of the pundits that the Tea Party was all but defunct. Inevitably all were targets of ridicule.

            Cartoonists led the charge. One drew Cantor as a boxer knocked out by a Tea Party fighter’s “extreme right hook”. (Dave Grunland) Another showed Google inspectors surveying tests of their driverless cars running haplessly in all directions: “And now let’s see what happens when we take Majority Leader Eric Cantor out of the algorithm.” (Matson)

             Close behind them came the rest of the usual satirical suspects. Some commented on Cantor’s having vastly outspent Brat. David Letterman: “What is wrong with this country when you can no longer buy an election?” And Stephen Colbert in his faux Fox role; “I am personally offended that the man with less money won.” It was an affront to the “golden rule of politics. He who has the gold…and that’s the end of the rule.”

            Others moved in on the fact that no matter how far Cantor moved to the right it wasn’t far enough for his constituents.

Jon Stewart: ¨How did the pro-life, Obamacare-repealing, president-obstructing, debt-ceiling-default-risking, tax-loophole-embracing, govererment-debt-shutdowning, Eric Cantor end up losing? Answer: He was too liberal.”

Online the Humor Times had a moist-eyed John Boehner exulting “It’s time we came out of the PC closet...Dave Brat’s victory shows that we have to say clearly who we are and what we will actually do in office. On immigration the truth is the GOP is only against darkskinned wetbacks. Europeans are perfectly welcome. Oh, this is good…We can speak candidly. Free at last, free at last – thank God Almighty, we’re free at last!”

The New Yorker’s Borowitz Report found that: “Apparently deciding that Cantor was insufficiently heartless to represent their district, Republicans turned out at the polls to elect David Brat, a man whose political views ‘border on sociopathy’, according to exit poll responses from voters who supported him.”
And The Onion cited Cantor reflecting “on all the accomplishments he thwarted” from “obstructing a jobs bill… to derailing gun control measures any time they reached my desk. I feel blessed to have had such an incredible run of preventing productive policies…from ever passing…I’m very proud of how I helped Congress accomplish so little during my time in office.”

            No need to worry too much, however. As The Onion points out, there would be “many, many more” in his party to carry on the good work.

 

 

 

 

 


Posted on Tuesday, June 17, 2014 (Archive on Monday, March 13, 2017)

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